


Illusion Never Changed Into Something Real

by felicityollies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Fix-It, Makeup, Mild Smut, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebuilding, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-23 15:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6121744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityollies/pseuds/felicityollies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver and Felicity deal with their fallout. (Post-4x15/Season 5 fix it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed a few things because the break up scene was stupid.  
> I really just wanted to write this because there's been so much talk about Oliver's POV, but hardly any regarding Felicity's.

“Again you have left me out of the decision,” the angry tears burned in Felicity’s eyes.

“Felicity…” Oliver started to say, but she put her hand up.

“Don’t. Whatever you are going to say just don’t,” she knew they needed to talk about this, but it had already been hard enough for her to come there and give the ring back.

Oliver pressed his lips together and gave one subtle nod.

Without another word she backed up her wheelchair and turned to leave the apartment. Her chest ached with a heaviness that she hadn’t felt in a long time. She swallowed thickly as she rolled out into the hallway. She barely got a few feet away from the loft door when she started to sob, though didn’t care if Oliver could hear her. It was impossible to hold in any longer.

Her vision was blurred by her tears, but she continued down the hallway. She only stopped when she heard the distinct sound of her mother’s laughter as she bid her boyfriend goodbye. Apparently only one of them was allowed to have a good relationship at a time.

She swallowed back another sob and wiped at her cheeks as Donna rounded the corner.

“Oh, honey,” the happiness left her voice and was immediately replaced with worry. “What’s the matter?”

“Can we get out of here first?” her voice shook.

Donna nodded and let Felicity move to get in front of her. She wheeled her way out of the building and waited for Donna to get them a ride.

“Where are we going?” she asked as they settled into the backseat of a cab.

She sniffled. “I need a hotel room.”

“Talk to me. What happened?”

“He was lying to me,” she mumbled her voice cracking again.

It was then that Donna noticed the very obvious lack of ring on her finger. “Felicity,” she said softly as she reached for her hand.

They were quiet until they reached the hotel. Felicity let Donna check her in because she wasn’t up to talking to anyone else. By the time she rolled into her room she was crying again. Donna pulled up a chair so that she could sit across from Felicity at her eye level.

“What was he lying about?” Donna gripped her hands.

“He has a son,” she choked out.

“What?”

“I don’t even care about the kid. I would have been supportive of him, but he lied to me… for months,” she could barely look her mother in the eye. “He won’t lean on me. He won’t talk to me and let me in. He doesn’t trust me and I don’t think he ever will.”

She choked out the last few words before the tears came harder. Donna bent further forward and wrapped her arms around her daughter. She rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head while she cried.

Felicity didn’t know what else to do. She loved Oliver so much, but she was tired of feeling like he didn’t trust her. How can she marry someone who doesn’t trust? How did he think that they would be able to get married with that lie? She didn’t understand it.

Months of running back and forth between Central City, of not telling her what he was doing, and pretending that everything was fine between them.

All she had wanted from him was for him to open up, to accept her help, and let her be the teammate and partner she was supposed to be.

“What is wrong with me?” she said between sobs.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Donna said earnestly. She cupped Felicity’s cheek and wiped away a few tears with her thumb. “You are not what’s wrong. He lied to you when it is very obvious that he didn’t have to.”

Felicity sniffled a few times. “I’m glad you’re on my side.”

“I will always be on your side.” Donna leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

“I thought you were going to be mad,” she mumbled.

Donna pulled back. “I’m mad, but not at you. Oliver needs to get it together,” she moved her hand to squeeze Felicity’s. “Of course I hope you two work it out, but your happiness is what’s really important.”

Felicity nodded. She didn’t know if they could work this out. Oliver tried to change, but it never seemed to stick. She almost wished she could go back to those blissful moments during the summer before the domesticity began to drive her insane. Now all of that felt like they were playing pretend; playing house like innocent children.

It was supposed to be perfect. Oliver was supposed to be different. Her father, Cooper, Oliver they had all told her lies and betrayed her. It made her think about those years as a child wondering what was wrong with her. Wondering why no one loved her and feeling as if no one ever could. She hated that feeling; she hated it more than anything. Like her mother said there was nothing wrong with her, but she didn’t know if she really believed it.

She was just tired. Tired of trusting Oliver and tired of having him break her heart. She was exhausted and emotionally drained. Her heart ached for things to be right, but she couldn’t stay with him. She had never had such a deep connection with someone and never even imagined being able to love someone as much as she loved Oliver. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he was her soulmate because she wasn’t going back. Without trust there is no love and she deserved to have both.

“You should get some rest, sweetheart,” Donna said pulling her from her thoughts.

“I know,” she mumbled quietly.

Maybe when she slept her chest would stop aching. Maybe she could dream and not let Oliver cross her mind. Maybe when she woke up she would know what to do.

Maybe, but not likely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is actually from Donna’s POV. I’ve never really written her this way before, but I wanted to do it this way instead of from Oliver’s.

It had been a long time since Donna had seen her daughter so heart broken. After her father left and she had to pick up the pieces of a seven-year old’s heart she never wanted to see her like that again. Almost twenty years later here she was again picking up the pieces.

She made sure that Felicity was comfortable in bed, that her chair was within reach, and that there was food available when she woke before she left the hotel room. Donna Smoak was a woman on a mission. She made her way back to Oliver and Felicity’s loft. Her six inch heels clacked against the floor as she walked up to the door.

Donna gave a quick knock on the large door. She raised a brow because it sounded like Oliver was running towards the door.

“Felicity?” he asked when the door swung wide.

“Not quite,” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Oliver visibly deflated, but moved to let her in. “How is she doing?”

“How do you think?” she sat on the couch and let out a long sigh, “What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t have a choice,” he started to say, but she just shook her head.

“Now don’t you start lying to me, Oliver Queen,” she waggled her finger at him.

Oliver dragged his eyes away from the older woman’s. “I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to lose her,” he stared down at his hands.

Donna really did like Oliver. She cared about the boy and she adored seeing him and her daughter happy. Right now, though, her main goal was to get to the bottom of this.

“I know you know Felicity better than that,” she scanned his face. “That girl loves you with her whole heart and we both know that she would have been supportive. Why won’t you let her support you?”

“I’m trying,” he kept his eyes low.

Donna didn’t know if she should believe him. He seemed sincere, but considering the reason she was there. “You need to try harder,” she was starting to feel a bit more frustrated.

“Do you understand how broken she is right now?” she asked, “The last time I saw her so low was when her father left.”

Oliver winced.

“All she wanted was to be a good partner to you, but you need to do the same. You need to let her in. There shouldn’t be any secrets between you. That’s not what marriage is about.”

“Marriage is about inclusion,” he mumbled, “She told me that.”

Donna let out another long sigh.

“I never wanted to hurt her,” he finally looked back up at her.

“You have a funny way of showing that,” she shook her head.

“I know.”

Donna stood up and smoothed out her tight dress. “You need to buck up and get this figured out. You do want to marry her, right?”

Oliver nodded. “More than anything.”

“Then fix this.”

“How?”

“I can’t tell you how to fix your relationship. This is on you. You’re the one that broke her trust and you’re going to have to figure out how to get it back. I can’t help you,” she shouldered her purse and watched him for a moment. He looked incredibly miserable. “I know you love her, Oliver, but you have to figure out how to show it to her.”

He nodded slowly.

“I will tell you what I told her. You two are a couple that people root for. I want to root for you.” It was true, but at the end of the day Donna would always put her daughter’s happiness above all else. “You just have to make this right again.”

Her phone went off in her purse. She quickly pulled it out and saw a text from Felicity wondering where she was.

“Is it Felicity?” Oliver asked.

“Yes, I need to get back to her,” she texted her back to tell her she was on her way back to the hotel room.

“Can I come see her?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Donna put away the phone. “You have to fix this, but you also need to give her space.”

“Okay.”

“When she’s ready you will know,” she said with a soft sigh. “I’ll talk to you later,” she walked towards the door and slipped into the hallway

Donna knew that this was going to be tough for both Oliver and Felicity. Her daughter needed her space and she didn’t know how long that she was going to want it. She wanted them to talk and work things out, but she wasn’t going to push Felicity. It was better that they take their time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally picking this up again. If you were reading this before you might notice that some chapters are missing. To be honest I just wasn't happy with chapters 3 - 5 so I deleted them and have rewritten chapter three. Hopefully y'all still like it.

Felicity’s eyes focused on her computer. She swore she had been staring at the screen so long her eyes were threatening to cross. But she needed to keep going over some of the blueprints for new tech that Curtis and the rest of the applied science division had drawn up. It was all great, but everything was so damn expensive to even produce.

In front of her, though she didn’t see, Oliver stood hesitantly outside of the glass door. He raised his hand three times to knock. Each time bringing it down as if he was struggling to actually knock. It had been several weeks since they had broken up. A little less than that when she quit the team. She had thought she could be on the team with Oliver and had really tried. Her mother’s talk with him made things a little more difficult. It felt as if they couldn’t talk or look at each other. He was trying to give her space and she was taking it in abundance. She decided if they couldn’t work together then it was just better for her to get out of the way. It was also a lot less painful.

Oliver finally knocked on the door, gently rapping his knuckles against the glass. Even with the gentleness he startled Felicity.

She blinked looking up to see him. With one hand, she motioned for him to come in. She closed her computer and watched him walk into her office. It made her chest ache to see him. She missed him so much, but she knew what she had done was the best for the both of them.

It hurt because of how much she loved him, but there wasn’t much she could do about that.

“What are you doing here?” she asked attempting to keep her voice level.

He seemed taken aback by her words. “I uh…” he searched for words, “I wanted to talk to you. It’s been awhile.”

She nodded. Of course after leaving the team she had continued to avoid him and she was exceptionally good at it. What else was she supposed to do? Being around him was painful, it just reminded her how much she still ached for him even though she couldn’t trust him anymore. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him face to face that she was leaving the team. Instead, she left the team by taking her things when no one was there and passing along a message through Thea to the rest of them. The avoidance continued with her staying out of places that he frequented, switching coffee shops, and restaurants. Maybe it was a little bit of an overkill, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted a clean break. Luckily, Oliver had respected her wishes and didn’t try to contact her.

Until now.

“I need to apologize,” Oliver took a few steps forward, “I didn’t do that, yet.”

“Okay…” She was hesitant.

He sat down in front of her desk and put his hands in his lap. She could tell how hard he was trying not to fidget; he was so nervous she could see the anxiety written on his face. It made her chest ache that much more.

“What I did was wrong. I should have told you right from the start when you asked me in Central City,” he sighed heavily, “I know I said that I lied because of Samantha and the position she put me in, but that’s only part of it.”

Felicity had waited so long for an explanation and an apology, but she never actually expected to get one. She appreciated it immensely, but that didn’t mean that she was going to change her mind.

“I didn’t want to lose you. I thought…” he paused and sighed, “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

She bit down on her lower lip.

“But I do know that I’m sorry. You deserve so much more than someone who lies to you,” his voice wavered, “I’m so sorry, Felicity. I love you more than anything and I will never stop apologizing for hurting you.”

“Oliver…”

“Please, don’t say anything,” he reached into his jacket.

For half a second she thought he was pulling out the ring, but instead he held a small leather bound journal. She knew that little notebook. There had been many nights that she caught him writing in it.

“I want you to read this,” he set the notebook on her desk, “It’s a therapy journal. Going to a therapist isn’t exactly an option, so I do this instead….”

His expression struck her as something similar to a nervous child. He was presenting her with something deeply personal and it was obvious that he was worried about her reaction. She didn’t actually know how to react to this. Several times she had told him to open up to her, to let her in, but she didn’t think he would try. Especially not with the way they left things. She certainly never expected him to give her his journal.

“I started it after we left Starling and continued it when we got back,” he let out a shaky breath, “That’s everything I wanted to say.”

“Okay,” she reached for the journal. “I’ll look at it,” she couldn’t say anything else.

She couldn’t promise that this would change anything.

“Thank you,” he retreated towards the door, escaping before she could change her mind.

Felicity watched the door for a few more moments before dragging her gaze down to the journal. Her fingers smoothed over the edges. She held in her hands Oliver’s thoughts and feelings; she had his deepest desires and dreams. Things he hadn’t shared with anyone were within these pages. She was still surprised, but this did tell her that he was willing to try.

That night, she wheeled her way one handed into the living room. One hand held a cup of tea while the journal sat in her lap. Her new apartment was much smaller than the loft she and Oliver previously lived in. But she had plenty of room to get around in her wheelchair and everything was on one floor.

With a sigh, she set her mug down and lifted herself onto the sofa. After getting comfortable, she picked up the little leather bound notebook. Did she really want to read this? It would seem cruel not to after Oliver went to all the trouble to bring it to her, but then again she would rather have talked to him face to face about everything.

She smacked herself in the forehead with the notebook, “But he doesn’t know that because you’ve been avoiding him, idiot.”

Felicity sighed again and opened the book. Her eyes scanned the page. A scribbled date in the corner followed by a more neatly written passage. She read and read, flipping pages, and learning so many things about her ex-fiance. He wrote everything from what he had done during the day to the dreams and nightmares that plagued him at night. His feelings about everything were spilled onto these pages. Oliver’s heart and soul lay between her fingers. It was a lot to take in.

Before she could finish, she placed the journal down beside her. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest. There was so much that went on inside of his head that she didn’t know about before. But she wished she did. She wished that he had been able to be open and honest about his deepest worries when they were together. All she ever wanted was to help him. She might not be the best at opening up either, but they could have done it together.

Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back against the couch. There was so much they both did wrong. They lived in ignorant bliss for so long, ignoring all the things they needed to talk about. Their summer spent away didn’t involve that much talking either. They shared small things, not necessarily trivial, but nothing that really counted as important. She was so tired now. Emotionally exhausted more than anything. Part of her wanted to talk to Oliver. She wanted to stop avoiding him and really get things out in the open, but she was scared. What if she spilled her guts to him and only ended up getting hurt again?

She leaned her head up and looked at the journal. Maybe it was her turn to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to say that this fic started as a way for me to put Felicity's feelings out there because I felt as if there wasn't enough people talking about her side of things. It's still focused on Felicity's feelings, but it's also how I wanted things to play out on screen. Now, even though I don't necessarily agree with everything that has happened this season I would very much prefer if there wasn't any arguing in the comments. 
> 
> But please feel free to let me know what you think of the fic (obviously)
> 
> Please and thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything happens for a reason and all will be explained

There was a standstill in their efforts to reach out to each other. Not for a lack of want on either side, but because both of their worlds had come crashing around them. Darhk hit them where it hurt and hard. It was a battle they nearly lost. Laurel was almost killed in the thick of it, but she and everyone else pulled through. By the end of it, though, things were most certainly not the same anymore.

Laurel and Thea quit the team. Thea left to do some soul searching while Laurel decided an early retirement and focusing on the law was better suited to her. Felicity couldn’t blame her, the woman had been on the brink of death, and it was terrifying for all parties included.

John quit as well. After what happened with his brother he needed to find himself too. He decided to do that by joining the army.

At the end of the day everyone had the right to choose to leave, but it hurt her heart nonetheless. She and Oliver were left to pick up the pieces of the bunker, their lives, and the city around them.

At least Oliver had Mayoral duties to look forward to and she somewhat had Palmer Tech. The building took some damage, people died, and she was going to have to do a lot of clean up both in reconstruction and in staff.

But none of that seemed important after everything she’d been through. Sitting in her wheelchair, in the destroyed bunker she felt… broken. All of her friends were gone. Her city destroyed. So much work lie ahead of her that it seemed overwhelming. On top of that, she had a heavy weight on her chest. In the midst of the battle between the team and Darhk, she was forced to make a terrible decision. Let a nuclear missile hit a largely populated area or divert it to a smaller town. She chose the smaller town to save more people, but it didn’t feel like she saved anyone. No, she felt like a murderer.

Oliver’s had came down against her shoulder and squeezed. “Hey,” he said in that gentle tone he always used when he knew she was upset.

She tilted her head up and looked at him. “Hmm?”

“You leaving too?” he pulled his hand back.

She could leave, but it wasn’t that easy. Star City was her home. She wanted to help, to make up for the things she’d done, though she doubted she would ever be able to.

“Not a chance,” she whispered.

They worked together to clean up the bunker. It was quiet, but it was the first time they had been alone in what seemed like eons.

When it was all finished an olive branch was extended. They were to meet for coffee and talk. Nothing more, nothing less. Felicity knew it was going to be a slow process, but that was what she needed. She didn’t even think she could manage a relationship at this point. It would be so easy to bury her feelings in some nobody. She could pretend that she didn’t ache, pretend that when she closed her eyes she didn’t imagine the people in Havenrock that died, and didn’t have nightmares that haunted her even in the waking hours.

Felicity squeezed her eyes shut for just a moment and sucked in a deep breath. She could do a simple coffee and talk with Oliver. It would be fine. She rolled towards the counter and ordered herself her usual white mocha with a triple shot of espresso. With her hot cup in her hand, she wheeled back outside and found a quiet table under a large umbrella to sit and wait for Oliver.

Several minutes ticked by and she didn’t hear anything from him. Not a text or call. She kind of assumed that he would be late, but she worried.

“Hello.”

Her eyes snapped up, but it wasn’t Oliver’s gaze that she met. “Um, hello?”

“Sorry, I just noticed you over here… all alone and gorgeous.”

“Cheesy,” she muttered.

The man rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, I’m not the best with pick up lines.”

She frowned a little.

“I’m Billy by the way,” he said, sitting down across from her, “Billy Malone.”

“Felicity. Smoak,” she mumbled, “And actually I’m meeting someone here.”

“Ah,” a soft pout formed on his lips, “Of course you are. Boyfriend?”

“No…” she said slowly.

Billy took a sip of his own coffee and smiled. She probably should have just said “yes,” but now it was too late.

“I don’t mean to be rude,” she said, “But could you,” she motioned him to leave.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m the one being rude… invading your space and everything.”

He dug into his pocket for something, “But if you do have some time,” he handed her a business card, “Or I dunno… there’s a cat stuck up in a tree or something. Give me a call.”

She watched him walk away before looking down at the card. “Detective Billy Malone,” she muttered to herself.

The last thing she needed was to get tangled with the police. Having someone on the inside had been nice, but look where it landed Quentin. Yeah, she didn’t need to drag anyone else into the mess that was her life.

She sighed and pocketed the business card just so that she didn’t feel like a jerk. Glancing around, she looked for any sign of Oliver’s arrival. Still nothing. She sipped at her coffee and waited. The minutes continued to tick by.

Fifteen and then thirty minutes passed. No Oliver, no texts, and no call. At this point she was nearing an hour, sitting there waiting for him. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe she read him wrong and shouldn't have asked in the first place. But she thought that he wanted to fix things between them, she really really did.

She thought about texting him to ask where he was, but decided against it. If he wasn’t going to show then she wasn’t going to bother with it. He was a grown man and made his own decisions. And should know how to work the calendar in his phone.

She finished her coffee and threw the cup away. It had been long enough of a wait. She wasn’t going to sit there any longer feeling like an idiot. With an even heavier heart and angry tears welling up in her eyes, she wheeled her way back to Palmer Tech. She needed to focus on something else before she let herself crumble…. again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> (unless you're going to argue about s5 in the comments section pls don't do that)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i’ve had this in my head for weeks, but hadn’t gotten around to actually writing it out. And then 5x10 happened and I was like…. yep this chapter needs to be a thing.
> 
> and the rating goes from G to E |:

Felicity waited an entire day for Oliver to explain himself. He never did. She wheeled her way into the old campaign building and to the elevator. Her fingers trembled as she gripped onto her wheels. There were so many emotions flowing through her body at that moment. Anger, confusion, depression, and things she couldn’t even put names to. She didn’t understand why he had skipped out on their meeting. All he had wanted from her was to extend an olive branch and she did. Now she was wondering if he was just trying to hurt her.

She didn’t want to believe that, but what other reason was there? If he had just missed the coffee then fine it wasn’t that big of a deal, but no call, no acknowledgement. Nothing. She clenched her teeth and rolled out into the bunker as soon as the door opened.

“Oliver!” she shouted, her voice echoing off the walls.

It was a good few seconds before she got a response.

“What?” he asked, coming from the room he called a bedroom.

“Don’t ‘what’ me,” she spat, “Where were you?”

He scoffed.

Her blood boiled.

“I’m trying, but apparently you have given up,” her voice rose again.

“Me?” he hissed, “I show up and you’re sitting there with some other guy.”

“What?” she shook her head, “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play games, Felicity,” he muttered, “You were talking to some guy who looked like he was pretty into you.”

It took her a moment to remember that Detective Malone had sat down with her. She didn’t care about him. He wasn’t the one she wanted to see yesterday.

“Not denying?”

“I didn’t ask him to join me, he sat down by himself, and I told him to leave,” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“What do you think I did? Ask him to meet with me just so you would see?”

Oliver was quiet.

“Is that the kind of person you think I am?” her voice cracked.

“What was I supposed to think? It felt like you were trying to hurt me.”

“And it sure as hell felt like you were trying to do the same. Skipping out and then avoiding me? Grow up, Oliver.”

He gritted his teeth.

“I am trying,” she said again, “But if you don’t want to anymore just say it!”

“I do,” he shouted, getting closer.

“I don’t believe you. You think I’m some cold hearted bitch. I’m not the one that dangles maybes.”

She could see in his face that she’d made a low blow, bringing up the person he was years ago when they first tried this thing between them.

“It was a mistake,” he leaned in even closer, invading her personal space.

His hands were on her chair and their faces were inches apart.

“Then tell me you want this. Tell me that I’m not wasting my time and we’re not playing games.”

He was quiet for a few moments. Angry tears had begun to spill down her cheeks. Why couldn’t they just work everything out? Why did it have to be complicated?

“Tell me,” she hissed.

His eyes flicked down to her lips for a moment. She couldn’t help but do the same to him. Before he could say anything and before she could stop herself, instinct took over. Her hands went to his face. She pulled him closer and pressed her lips to his. It had been so long since she had kissed him. Months without another person to touch her, when she couldn’t even look at the only person she did want to touch her.

They kissed. It was heated and angry. He was rough with his kisses; almost hard enough to bruise her lips.

His hands moved down and carefully lifted her from her chair. The gentleness he used with her was always so astonishing. This man that could kill a man, could use the same hands to lift her as if she were a precious and fragile heirloom. They may have been pissed and emotional, but he would never risk actually hurting her. She knew this.

He set her on the edge of the table with a soft thud. Oliver leaned back from the kiss and moved his lips down to her neck. He bit and sucked at her skin in a way that she knew would leave a large mark.

“Fuck,” she choked out.

He moved his fingers between her legs, but she didn’t feel it until he was cupping her pussy. With rough fingers, he slipped into her panties and dragged them up her slit.

“Don’t tease,” she muttered.

He scoffed at her again and pulled his hand back.

She practically growled at him. As if she weren’t pissed at him enough already.

“Didn’t you make me wait long enough yesterday?” she spat.

The swiftness and speed he used to tug down his zipper and pull himself from the confines of his boxers could have rivaled a speedster. He moved her panties out of the way and slipped into her roughly, causing to gasp.

She gripped onto his shoulders tightly, as he lifted her legs and held onto her by her thighs. He thrust into her hard enough to make the table beneath them squeak. It felt so good. So freaking good. He filled her over and over again, stretching her walls. She gave a strangled groan when he ground his hips into hers.

His lips found her neck again. She moved her hand to run through his hair, her nails dragged along his scalp before she took a chunk of his hair into her hands and tugged. He groaned against her skin.

As mad as they both were, she couldn’t help but savor the familiarity. Their bodies melding together. The feelings it created; the passion and the pleasure. She missed it. Her body craved it. Every day she had to be near him, watch him on the salmon ladder, or train with the rest of the team made her knees weak. It wasn’t fair how much she wanted him both physically and emotionally.

Oliver’s movements slowed almost as if he were thinking something similar. The anger between them melted away… or at least was quieted for the moment.

“Oliver,” she whimpered.

“Shhh,” he whispered and kissed her lips gently.

She kissed him back. Tears welled up in her eyes. She missed him so damn much and was just tired of all the anger and frustration between them. Yes, she was still angry about him standing her up, but that wasn’t going to stop her from revelling in this. Revel in the feeling of Oliver’s gentle kisses and the way his hands held her with such softness. She could ignore the ache in her chest that told her that he still wasn’t hers. That it was her choice to keep her distance and the fear of being hurt that made the choice seem easy.

It wasn’t easy.

“Oliver,” she cried.

“Felicity,” he whispered.

He kissed away her salty tears, though wet droplets of his own fell against her cheeks. It hadn’t been spoken, but she could feel in his touch and the way he whispered her name that he loved her.

Like a mantra in both their head, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

A gasp fell from her lips as she began to tremble. He pulled her closer, their bodies pressed against each other. His body shook, ropes of sticky cum leaving his tip and lining her walls. A few moments passed before they stilled completely. It was quiet; the only sound was their soft panting. He carefully slid out of her and fixed his clothing. Neither said anything as she fixed her own clothing and he helped her back into her chair.

She wiped her face and he did the same.

“Felicity,” he finally started to say.

“Wait,” she interrupted him, “I want to talk.”

He swallowed thickly.

“Later… tonight.”

“Okay,” he fidgeted nervously.

“I need to go,” she started to wheel away from him and towards the elevator.

“Felicity,” he called her name again when her back was to him, “Please don’t tell me this was a mistake.”

She hesitated, but shook her head. “I…. Oliver, I’m not going to say anything until we talk.”

Frankly, she didn’t know what to think. It happened so fast. It felt so good, but was it a mistake? She wanted to take things slowly and this was certainly not slow.

Looking back at him, she added, “I’ll see you at my place tonight. Seven sharp.”

He simply nodded.

She let out a shaky breath and got into the elevator. When the doors closed, she let her head lean back and her eyes close. “God dammit, Felicity,” she whispered, “God freaking dammit.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frankly i know this fic isn’t very popular, but I wanted to finish it for myself and so here we are. But I do have to say that I’m happy with the way it came out.

Felicity fidgeted as she waited for Oliver. She’d spent the rest of the day thinking about what they had done. Their emotions had boiled over and spilled into each other. They let it get the best of them. She knew they shouldn’t have had sex. They were barely putting the pieces of their relationship back together, but dammit. She loved him more than anyone else. He was the only person she wanted; if they could only work through their problems.

She fiddled with her fingers in her lap. What the hell were they going to do? Could she really give this a try again? Let him in and hope that he’ll do the same this time. It was terrifying.

A knock at the door startled her from her thoughts.

“Come in.”

She swallowed thickly as he came through the door. He took a moment to look around since he hadn't’ been there before. She was well aware that he’d checked on her a couple of times, though. Her apartment happened to be in a perfect location for Oliver to pass by on his patrols. She rent the place for that purpose. Maybe it had been in the back of her mind when she was looking over the brochure, but in reality it was close to work and very wheelchair accessible.

“It’s nice,” he said quietly.

“Thanks,” she motioned to the couch near her, “Sit. Please.”

He hesitated before actually doing so.

She was quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say. As much time as she spent thinking about it and she still had nothing.

“So,” he started.

She hated how awkward it felt.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“What?” she asked, furrowing her brow, “You don’t have to be sorry…. not for what we did.”

He nodded slowly, “If you’re sure.”

“I am…. I’m just… I don’t know how to say what I want to say,” she sighed.

“That’s unusual… for you.”

She cracked a small smile, “I know,” the smile was gone almost as soon as it had appeared, “I’m scared, Oliver.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m scared to do this again. I can’t open myself up to you if I think you’re just going to shut me out again,” she watched his face, “I love you with everything that I have, but I need to know that I’m not throwing myself out there for no reason.”

“I swear to you,” he said, “I am not going to shut you out. I want to be honest with you… It’s hard.”

She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a soft sigh, “I know. Like it’s hard for me not to run at the first sign of trouble.”

He bit down on his lip.

“What we had in Ivy Town was amazing, but it wasn’t real.”

Oliver looked away from her.

“You know it wasn’t. We were in this little blissful bubble, we didn’t talk about anything, and we ignored any problems that came our way. That’s not a real relationship. I want something real. I want to be with you through the fights, through the problems, and prove that our love can withstand all of it,” she was scared, but she couldn’t spend the rest of her life leaving relationships before the other person could leave her.

She couldn’t put all her worries about abandonment, about her father, onto Oliver. That wasn’t fair either.

“Well, we’ve made it this far,” he reached for her hand, but stopped an inch away from her chair.

She reached out the rest of the way to take it.

“I promise, Felicity. This time is going to be different. I don’t want to go another day without being with you.”

She believed him. Every word that left his mouth was the truth.

“Slowly this time,” she said, “Jumping into the car and leaving everything behind was…”

“Stupid,” he mumbled.

She nodded, “Yes.”

“I can do slow.”

A small smile pulled at her lips, “Are you sure?”

He took a deep breath, but nodded.

“You know that means I’m kicking you out tonight.”

Oliver pouted at her, “Okay.”

“If I thought we could be roommates without moving too fast….”

His brows went up.

“I mostly say that because you’re still living in the bunker… that’s not a home Oliver.”

“Home is wherever I am with you.”

She giggled, “You’re cheesy.”

“I try,” he smiled and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles, “But I do mean it.”

She felt her heart warm, “If you really think you can keep to yourself in your own room until we’re ready.”

“I can,” he promised, “And I’ll throw in breakfast every morning.”

He knew exactly how to win her over.

“Okay.”

* * *

That night he stayed in the guest bedroom that would soon be his room. She was in her own bed as she was every night, but she was having a fitful sleep. Felicity had nightmares about everything from the gas chamber, the shooting, and Havenrock. The nightmare that night was about Darhk. A phantom pain shot up her spine. She whimpered in her sleep.

Her door swung open and Oliver came rushing in, “Felicity,” he whispered.

His voice pulled her through the nightmare. She gasped as she woke.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he smoothed his hand over her hair.

She closed her eyes tight and swallowed hard. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“Don’t,” he said softly, “You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

She looked up into his eyes in the dark, “Okay.”

“I’m right here,” he sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand into his, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now, but thank you,” she squeezed his hand tightly.

“They’re worse than before,” he stated.

She nodded. The last few weeks of their relationship, she’d been having nightmares. It was usually her that was talking him down from his nightmares, but the tables turned after the accident. He was so good to her. He would take her into his arms and hold her until she was okay again. The same way that she did for him.

He didn’t do that now, but she didn’t ask him to either.

“Do you need anything?” he asked.

She thought about it for a moment or two. “Stay? Just for a couple minutes.”

He nodded and moved over her to get on the bed to get more comfortable. His hand found hers again.

“How did you even hear me?” she asked, “Were you sleeping?”

“I was…” he said, “You know I’m a light sleeper.”

“Yeah,” she sighed.

“And it’s kind of hard not to be attuned to you,” he said quieter.

Felicity moved her thumb over his knuckles, “Thank you.”

“You never have to thank me.”

She nodded, closing her eyes again. It was easier to relax now that he was there. She still didn’t want to take things too quickly, but it was so nice to have someone there after being alone for so long. She knew that he felt the same way. There was always going to be some fear that something could go wrong, but they were both willing to try. Both willing to make this work. And maybe this time it really would.

_**The End.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this fic! Let me know what you think. 
> 
> tumblr: felicityollies  
> twitter: gothlicitys


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